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By David Lynch
The obnoxious MMPR soap wrapper is shown here. It was a real pain to scan with it's bad contrast and crinkly surface.
I recently purchased a bar of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Moisturizing Bath Soap. Personally, I don't care for the Power Rangers. They're false Conspiracy bulldada of the worst sort, kind of like "Lobster Man From Mars" or Nick at Nite ads. But my opinions on entertainment have no bearing on soap, which is what I intend to review.
Unlike most other soaps I have reviewed, MMPR Bath Soap is not packaged in a box. instead, it comes in a plastic tray which holds the soap, and a plastic wrapper to hold the soap in place. I find the packaging reminiscent of convenience store snack cakes, but I can't pin down exactly which one. Due to the nature of the packaging, completely accurate measurements are impossible, but it is approximately 6 1/2 by 3 3/4 inches wide, and 1 1/4 inches thick. The top two inches of the wrapper are forest green with clunky gold lightning bolts on the left and right. Beneath that is a clear 3 1/2 inch band. Straddling the upper green and the clear band is the MMPR logo, which I'd estimate 9/10ths of you are familiar with. Still, for the sake of accuracy, I'll describe it. The logo is basically a purple circle with a large, yellow stylized lightning bolt similar to the ones on the left and right of the green band penetrating it, with little blue sparks at the tip. the lightning bolt divides the phrase "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers" neatly in two, with "Mighty Power" written on the left side of the bolt, and "Morphin Rangers" on the right. "Mighty" and "Morphin" are written in yellow on a purplish/maroon background, and "Power Rangers" is written in yellow which progresses to green as it nears the bottom. the sides of "Power Rangers" are blue, and the phrase is undrlined in a green/yellow horizontal progression. Beneath the logo, "Moisturizing Bath Soap" is printed in white with a blue border. The bottom 1 1/2 inches (Yes, I know that adds up to seven inches, I told you the package was impossible to measure) is green again, and features the same yellow stylized lighning bolts seen elsewhere on the packaging. Beetween the lightning bolts is a bold depiction of 5 Power Rangers, with the Red Ranger standing in the center. He is flanked to the left by the (L to R) Yellow and Blue Rangers, and to the right (L to R) by the Pink and Black Rangers. "NET WT. 4 OZ. (113 g)" is emblazoned over the crotches of the Blue, Red, and Pink Rangers in black letters. Zach and Jason, the Black and Red Rangers, are printed on the left of the wrapper along with a their name and logo. Billy and Kimberly, the Blue and Pink Rangers, are printed on the right side of the wrapper, and are accompanied by their respective logos and names. Trini, the Yellow Ranger, is separate from the rest of the Power Rangers on the back of the package, right above the bar code which is printed on the right of the back. It appears as if the heads of the Power Rangers had been pasted on after the intitial work, and may be from live-action photos. The left side of the back has ROVAR printed vertically by the bar code, and has an umlaut over the "O". "Biodegradable" is printed above "ROVAR", and "Mild Formula" is printed above that. "TM and (C)1994 Saban Entertainment Inc. & Saban International N.Y. All Rights Reserved" is printed to the right of the bar code, and it should be kept in mind that everything but the Yellow Ranger is printed vertically. I find the packaging to be cheap in appearance and unpleasant to the eye. It is, however, extremely effective at containing the soaps odor, which is undetectable as long as the package is sealed. Of course, the soap also has a very weak scent, which I consider to be a drawback.
The soap is light blue, and shaped to resemble the mask of the Blue Ranger. It is the size of the palm of my hand, and is flat on the back, like a door stop or paperweight. I'm no expert, but the soap seems to be a pretty fair match for the actual Blue Ranger's face and is well-sculpted. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for the back. It features a mottled Blue Ranger logo which bears almost no resemblance to the logo printed on the wrapper. It looks like a defect, or a botched wax seal. It also bears the logo of the Rovar soap company, which came through much clearer than the MMPR logo. (If anyone knows of other Rovar soap products, let me know.) It's an extremely soft soap, and I had to be careful not to gouge out chunks with my relatively long fingernails. This is probably very nice in a bathtub, but it's an inconvenience when washing your hands.
When wet, the soap becomes EXTREMELY greasy, almost Crisco-like in nature. The lather, which also has a lardish quality to it, is very thick and a light, almost imperceptible blue. I personally enjoy the lather, and think it would make a good lubricant; however, I could easily see someone turning away from it in disgust. The lather rinses from the hands easily, but gets into the crevices of the face and looks really disgusting. When the soap dries again, it is coated with a milky film, and I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that it will leave a huge helping of soap scum. Id did leave my hands vey soft, though.
As per usual, I tested the soap's cleaning ability by writing "MMPR" on my right palm with a Scripto Super Stic Med Pt red ink pen, which was produced in Mexico. It was washed clean in one minute and 46 seconds, which is about average, and pretty much what I expected. On a cleaning scale of 1-10, with Lava as 10, I'd rank it a 5.
All in all, I'd say this soap is a little worse than average. The packaging is ugly and unoriginal, the design is ill-conceived, the lather is fatty, and as far as cleaning goes, it's mediocre at best. The price was something like a dollar, which is about what it's worth. I don't think I'd recommend it to anyone who wasn't a die-hard MMPR fan, and even then, I'd recommend just buying a bar of Lever 2000 and whittling it to resemble the /<-Rad White Ranger. I suspect if you found an old bar of Star Wars or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bath soap, the MMPR bar would have the same soapy qualities. Like so much else surrounding the Power Rangers, this soap is truly mediocre. Pass on it.